How Texting Killed the Dating Beast
Posted: Wednesday, July 21, 2010
by Dr. Dennis Neder
Remington Publications
Dr. Neder,
Im 35 and started dating after a year-long hiatus earlier this year. Ive gone out with a couple of guys so far, all of them younger. Ive noticed that they LOVE texting, but rarely ask me out.
The latest guy is 29, and we went on our first date last Friday. We had a great time (mini golf and dinner - and he was funny and sweet). Since then we have not talked, but we text almost every day. Its usually stuff like " Have a great day, " or " hows it going? " Weve also had some conversations via text (like " what is on your bucket list? " ). He works in phone sales, and says he isnt big on talking on the phone. That is fine, but I am old fashioned and like to get to know someone in person.
Frustrating! Help!
Hello!
Theres nothing " old fashioned " about not wanting to hold your dates via text. In fact, texting KILLS OFF relationships! I see it literally every single day. If you want things to die a slow, painful death between you and this (or any) guy, just keep up the texting. Youll see what I mean very shortly.
Heres the problem:
1) Texting is lazy. It takes absolutely no effort to create a 140-character message to someone.
2) Second, its way, way too safe. You take absolutely no risks by texting.
3) It has no particular connotation and thus, you get to " play date " with it while nobody exposes their hands.
4) While not exposing your hand, youre also not moving anything anywhere!
5) Relationships are based on emotional connection. Texting strips away any emotional context and just keeps things on a fact-basis. Thus, instead of connection and getting closer, the opposite happens.
6) Its artificial and your subconscious mind knows it. Thus, you begin to develop a sense of everything about him being artificial. Ive seen people treat others in ways that theyd never imagine themselves doing! After all, this isnt a " real person " anyway!
..and on and on and on...
Youve got to get off this texting thing! If this guy doesnt know any better (and trust me, he doesnt!) youve got to " help " him. Do that by telling him that you no longer want to communicate via texts. If hes going to be 10 minutes late, thats one thing. If hes going to try to set up a date or express his feelings to you thats entirely another.
You can certainly ask him out yourself - as long as you dont do it via texts. Its ok that he doesnt want to talk on the phone. That helps to keep things short and to the point. You can call him and just say, " Ok, its time we get off the mobile network and back into real life. Im available on Saturday... "
Frankly, youre right! If hes so caught up in technology and cant connect in real life on a solid, emotional plane, hes not old enough for you!
Hold your dates in person - not via technology!
Best regards...
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Copyright (c) 2010, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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